jumbo sized Endless Bummer tote from fieldguided
After the patheticness that was Mother’s Day I was feeling pretty down about motherhood, and that quickly spread through my system until I was feeling down about MY ENTIRE LIFE and it JUST KEPT GETTING WORSE. I felt like no one appreciated me because I wasn’t worth appreciating. I felt unhappy with my appearance and my body but too miserable to do anything about it. I felt old; I felt sad.
Last Wednesday I walked around the Seawall to meet Taylor like I normally do. I thought it might rain and be cold down by the water so instead of my nylon pullover jacket I brought my waterproof raincoat & wore a hoodie. IT WAS A HUGE MISTAKE. It didn’t rain and it wasn’t cold, but I was just wearing leggings and an old maternity tank with a grease-stain on it (lovely) so I kept the hoodie on, but even unzipped it was still too warm and I was sweltering. As I came off the Seawall and was passing the stadium I saw these two girls walking across the parking lot, and they looked SO GREAT. Perfect hair, stunning faces, flawless outfits.
Normally I feel pretty alright about my appearance but when I saw them I flet like a slovenly blob and reflexively sucked in my stomach. Then, HORROR OF HORRORS, they came over and talked to me. Fucking fantastic, please let me get an up close look of how amazing you are, ladies. As I walked away I wiped my hand over my face and it came away all sweaty. and a few blocks later I caught sight of my reflection and I looked like a red-face, shabby, bloated bag of rags with frayed, tatty hair. I looked like the scene in Away We Go when Verona says the women in the pregnancy workout video look like The California Raisins. I looked bad to me and it made me feel bad.
After that I tried to pull myself out of it. I spent some ~me time~ pampering myself and indulged in some retail therapy. I came up with ideas for new creative projects to keep me from feeling stagnant. I tired to stay positive.
Then today something happened (I’m not going to get into it, it’ll just make me sound petulant when it’s all just about THE PRINCIPLE, blah blah blah whatever who cares) that brought back all the original sad, shitty feelings from last week. I cried and laid in bed and cried some more, although I didn’t even have the luxury of actually having a real, good cry because I still had Gwen to deal with. Now I just feel sad and hollow and just like… what is the point?
Well? What is it?
It’s funny, I find myself actively doing nothing on the weekends now, because it’s so much more convenient to go for walks or run errands during the week when everyone else is at work. Only three and a half more months of that luxury
Gwen with the Winnie the Pooh ty Sym brought her from Disneyland.
Sym got back on Friday night with a suitcase full of dirty laundry and stories about all the things she ate. Because she was gone for the whole week she stayed with us over the weekend instead of going to her dad’s. Her being her gave us the opportunity to get a good start on marathoning Arrested Development before the new episodes come out.
I have a rule that I only work on etsy orders during te week (otherwise I find myself at it all day, everyday), but I do sometime still make non-custom banners on the weekend. I made the first non-custom banner in quite a while, this teeny-tiny turquoise & coral WHATEVER.
I actually get very burnt out on making banners, it’s a lot of the same stuff over and over so it’s nice to make something for myself once in a while (not to keep, but you know). It sold just a few hours after I listed it which made me feel pretty fantastic.
I also made a new header for my shop and new packaging for the banners, I was tired of the old colourful ones and wanted to simplify things.
Normally Taylor and I would have gone for a seawall walk today, but it’s a holiday here in Canada and after that one horrible walk on a Sunday we had no interest in seeing if it would be as crowded today. Instead we took the dogs & baby out to wander the street so I could indulge in one of my lamest favourite activities: HOUSE CREEPING (house creeping is just my version of imagining actually owning a home instead of living in this basement apartment). I’ve done this a lot when we’ve gone out to East Van, but there are actually quite a few creepable houses in the West End if you know where to look. Right now my favourite house to creep is this one down the hill.
The old grey cedar shake siding, multi-paned windows on the main floor and plants spilling over the fence make me think of like… a seaside cabin or something, and I find that weird window on the second floor intriguing. What’s the deal with it??? Why???? Anyway I know this is very creepy of me BUT in my defense I didn’t take this picture, I screencapped it off Google Maps, because THAT’S NOT CREEPY AT ALL.
The other day I decided I’d finally had it with these two smelly mutts and gave them both baths.
Why is is that after a bath dogs always go demented, tearing around the house and flailing all over the furniture like they are possessed? It’s SO SILLY.
Bonus pic of someone else in the bath…
Check out Meg‘s apartment tour, ugh my basement-dwelling self is so jealous of all that light!
I’ve been having so much fun with Recite This, turning all my best tweets into tumblr images.
A list (with mini-synopses!) of every ABC After School Special.
Katie is doing Mad Men recaps for The Gaggle and they are my favourite.
See what Gwen wore this week.
Saturday Taylor’s sister came over with her family and Gwen met her little 3-month-old cousin Evan for the first time, as well as her aunt and uncle.
Georgie has to be in every picture.
I perfected my scalloped-trim shoe pattern and made Gwen a new pair of shoes out of this awesome platinum leather. I’m happy they turned out since I only had enough of this colour to make one pair.
Sunday was of course Mother’s Day and tbh it sucked. It was barely even acknowledged at all- Taylor said “Happy Mother’s Day” to me when I got up in the morning, and Sym mumbled it as she breezed out the door on her way to Disneyland. That was it, until later in the afternoon when I broke down crying over the fact that the only thing I got for Mother’s Day was tagged in a facebook pic of Amy Poehler in Mean Girls.
I’m going to adopt the internet friend who tagged me as my new family, AT LEAST DANIELLE APPRECIATES ME.
When Taylor heard me crying he felt bad and got up (he had to work last night so he was already in bed in the afternoon) and went out to get me flowers and cake and sparkling wine, which I appreciate but like… I would have rather the day had been celebrated WITHOUT me sobbing about it first, and also before one of my kids left for a week’s vacation? idk, this makes me sound spoiled and bratty but really I didn’t even want THINGS, I just wanted the morning to be special.
I’m also forever bitter about the whole Disneyland trip. It was supposed to be this big group with both sides of Sym’s family but since I’m not working we couldn’t afford to go, so Sym is going with only her dad’s side of the family. I just feel sad, like the whole point of the trip was that Sym was supposed to go with her WHOLE family and I feel left out of her life. I DON’T KNOW I’m just emotional I guess.
These two girls of mine, they are so sweet. Gwen is the happiest baby you’ve ever met, she smiles and giggles at everything. Sym is so bright and creative and funny. She doesn’t often want me taking/posting pics of her but I got special permission for this one (as long as I mentioned the bunny ears she’s giving me, giving bunny ears in pics is like, her oeuvre). I am so happy to have them in my life.
This might be my laziest link post yet. It might be my laziest week of blogging ever, actually. I have a lot of ideas for posts and a lot of DIYs in the planning and/or prep stages, but I’m finding it hard to spend time on anything besides:
• Seawall walks with the baby
• working on etsy orders
• watching Netflix while I work on etsy orders
NICE. Some other things from this week…
I was pretty sick of the faded green ends of my hair, so on Tuesday I spent Gwen’s naps bleaching and bleaching and basically murdering my hair to get all the green out.
I know ombre hair is tired or whatever but OH WELL WHO CARES. I’m not sure yet if I’ll keep it like this, go dark all over, or just cut the ends off since they are super fried (although I’m in a long hair contest with Taylor and I wouldn’t want to lose too much length or he might catch up with me). tbh I’m pretty sick of having dark hair in general so maybe I’ll just keep bleaching it higher and higher.
Wednesday was Gwen’s half birthday, she’s six months old now!
Since I was so not into posting this week it’s good I did that Gwen at 5 1/2 months post a couple weeks back, haha.
On Thursday Jenn and I got our first pedicure of the season. We went to Nail de Kaen and I totally recommend it to local people!
Jenn in coral on the left (pic shamelessly stolen from her instagram), me in gold on the right
Speaking of my etsy, I was planning on making a fuss when I reached 500 sales… but then I didn’t even notice when that happened, haha.
You can still get 20% off your order with the code SPRING20 so if you’ve been planning on ordering a banner, now’s the time!
And now a couple links…
I’m not super into podcasts in general but I AM super into Why Would You Do That?
Some great photos of abandoned places.
In case you live under some sort of internet rock and missed it, Hyperbole and a Half is back.
One of my favourite tumblrs.
As always, check out what Gwen wore.
This weekend I…
Came up with my new favourite summer drink: gin, strawberry Italian soda and mint.
Started making a pair of sandals for Gwen. It’s much harder than making regular baby shoes!
Kicked Taylor’s butt at Ascension.
Met up with Jenn for brunch and a little window shopping.
Hung out with Gwen on a blanket in the backyard for the first time ever.
AND was able to exchange my defective phone for one that (so far, fingers crossed everyone) is NOT defective!!!!