January 12th

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Last night I had just about the worst sleep of my entire life. I fell asleep on the couch just before midnight, and then woke up at 12:15 and moved to the bedroom, where I couldn’t get back to sleep. Like AT ALL. I was up suuuuuuuuper late reading and today I’m so tired I just want to lie down forever. Last week when I was feeling sick I joked on twitter that I’d “taken to my bed” and like… why can’t that be a thing, I feel sick and/or exhausted and/or in pain almost every day of my life SO WHY CAN’T I JUST GO LAY DOWN???

I’ve actually had pretty crappy insomnia since just before Christmas and I’m a little worried that it’s my thyroid being hyper again. Or am I just worried that I’m hyperthyroid and the worry is causing the insomnia? WHO CAN SAY (I have my appointment with my endocrinologist in 10 days so I guess I’ll find out soon enough).

Gwen continues to amaze. Her latest trick is she will just take off her diaper, which is GREAT. Really. Great trick. I’ll be minding my own business and from the other room I’ll hear a velcro sound, and I’ll know she’s up to no good. Actually I can usually tell when she’s up to no good because she’ll run to her room and slam the door. You hear that door close and you know she’s got a bowl of candy, or a box of pins, or a half-sewn boot that is still mostly held together by a dozen carefully placed binder clips and has a great big sharp leather needle hanging off a very long and easily tangle-able piece of thread for good measure. Yesterday afternoon she kept going to her room and NOT closing the door and every time I checked on her she was just playing blocks, so I think it’s pretty clear that the door slam is indicative of TROUBLE.

Speaking of half-sewn boots, after posting last week that it is literally impossible for me to make more than one pair of boots a week with all my other responsibilities… well I made two pairs last week. ALMOST. I made almost two pairs, I have one boot still waiting to have its sole sewn on. But still! Almost two pairs in one week is a DRAMATIC increase from just one pair. I probably could have finished both but one pair is in this beautiful soft dove grey suede that is inexplicably hard to sew so it is taking longer than I expected to finish. What’s weird is I already made a pair of shoes with this suede and it was not this hard to sew before! IDGI.

I’ve been trying to get these stupid sippy lids for Gwen’s LifeFactory bottles for forever. Usually she has water & milk in regular sippy cups like she should at this age, but part of our bedtime routine is milk after her bath and for some reason regular sippy cups get her AMPED UP. idk why, if we give her one she will run all over the house with it, acting crazy, but with a bottle she’ll sit quietly on the couch, all snuggled in a blanket. Soooooo we’ve just been giving her bottles. I KNOW I KNOW IT’S TERRIBLE but at least we don’t put her to bed with a bottle, that would be worse.

Anyway it’s apparently just about fucking impossible to get these sippy lids here. On amazon.ca they are like THIRTY DOLLARS PLUS TWELVE DOLLARS SHIPPING. For just two sippy lids! Ridic. I tried to get them at the local store where I got the bottles but they are sold out AND YET STILL LISTED AS AVAILABLE ON THE WEBSITE LIKE OMG UPDATE UR INVENTORY, if something is out of stock I should not be able to add it to my cart and pay for it. I finally found them on well.ca for cheaper than anywhere else, with free shipping once I added a box of graham crackers* to my order to meet the $25 free shipping threshold. The lids were delivered today so hopefully I can finally, finally pack away** the last of the bottle tops & nipples.

* Annie’s bunny grahams in honey, chocolate chip and chocolate. They are so good but when I gave some to Gwen she THREW THEM ALL OVER THE FLOOR, what the heck. MORE FOR ME igss.

**We’ve been “packing away” all the baby stuff and tbh our storage room is just about ready to burst from it all. I tried to talk to Taylor about possibly going through Gwen’s old stuff and selling/donating it except for a few keepsakes, and he was all “THAT’S NOT FAIR, TINY BABIES, FEELINGS” but like… he’s the one who doesn’t want to have another baby?*** And it doesn’t make sense to keep our storage room crammed with all these things that we’re never ever ever going to use again. idk. I get really sad sometimes thinking about how I’m never going to get to have another baby. It’s not like I PLANNED for Gwen to be my last baby, it just worked out that way. It’s like when Danny DeVito is the old stripper at Phoebe’s bachelorette party in season 10 of Friends: “You never know when it’s gonna be your last dance.”

*** Taylor is actually supposed to give me his final answer on the baby/no baby question before my appointment with the endo next week so I can talk to the doctor about it, like if I am hyperthyroid again one of the options would be to go back on the meds, but one of the meds is not safe for fetuses so if we did want to try and get pregnant then surgery or radioactive iodine would be a better option, but how long do I have to wait after those treatments before starting TTC? Or even if I’m NOT hyperthyroid now, should I still wait? Also I think Graves’ makes conception more difficult? And tbh I’m not getting any younger. UGH I WASTED A DECADE NOT HAVING BABIES, SOMEONE GO BACK IN TIME AN SMACK ME.

2 thoughts on “January 12th”

  1. I’ve had major insomnia my entire adult life. Here are some great tricks.
    1. Earplugs and fan going
    2. Think of a black board every time your mind wonders
    3. Keep your eyes open and before you know it you’ll be asleep( that what babies do )
    4. Breathing excersise, inhale through your nose to the count of 4, hold for 7 secs, release for 8 secs. Repeat. You’ll be sleeping in no time. Lol

    1. Don’t beat yourself up, Hon. Insomnia is genetic for you—sorry bout that! It could, I suppose, be something to do with the Graves D but I didn’t sleep last night worth a damn either. I shall email explain WHY

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