Apologies to everyone from SS who has already lived through this nightmare.
Symphony’s grandma manages a Salvation Army Thrift Store. This means she’s always bringing us stuff. ALWAYS. When I was still with Symphony’s dad and worked at the vintage store, she’d bring me bags and bags of fur coats and rhinestone brooches and weird old clothing for me to consign. Now she mostly brings down arts & craft supplies (I got the crystals I used on my rope light chandelier from her), and clothes and books for Symphony. Sometimes she brings down toys, and this past weekend she brought Symphony a doll.
But not
just
any
doll.
She brought us Sadie.
This is obviously a haunted doll, possessed by an angry and vengeful spirit of a murdered girl, just itching to come to life and kill us all in our beds by sucking out our souls. When Grandma pulled it out of the bag I gave her one of these O__o and said “ARE YOU SERIOUS???” and she said to me “It’s made of fabric!” The fabric of nightmares, maybe. Someone asked me if her face was wooden, but it’s actually cloth painted with the blood of the innocent. When the bachelorette party was here on Saturday one woman said “I think it’s lovely! Wouldn’t you rather have your daughter playing with a toy like that then with some Barbies?”
NO. NO I WOULD NOT.
Someone online told me I should shut it in the closet, but then all I could think about was the closet door skreeeeeeeeeeeing open and the tip-tap of Sadie’s little nub feet skittering across the linoleum as she comes to kill us.
Sometimes Sadie gets angry.
Sometimes she has too much redbull and gets really alert.
Sometimes she is filled with a rage that burns hotter than the fires of Hell.
(Or maybe she’s a harlequin ichthyosis baby, idk).
When Sadie is feeling EXTRA possessed she can see into the very depths of your soul and she wants nothing more than to just scrape it out and leave you a hollow, empty husk with a scorched inner landscape, howling with insanity.
hellllllllllllllllllllp meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
But like everyone, what Sadie wants most is to be loved. Sadie loves you.
WHY DON’T YOU LOVE HER BACK?
Oh this made me laugh so hard
You’re the only person I know of who could put “being awesome” down as a what you do and it’s actually true
That’s because I am awesome Kerri. It’s just science.
Poor Sadie!!! I will bring her home and find her a new home….
ARE YOU KIDDING??? Everyone loves Sadie.
OK sooooo …. I stumbled across your blog back when your wall mural was featured on Odeedoh. I’ve been reading it daily ever since. So, in essence … I’ve been stalking your blog. Not because I’m a weirdo but because you freakin crack me up. I stay home with my two littles every day and it helps to know there is someone as awesome as me out there. 😉 Anyhoo… I just had to come out and tell you I busted a gut laughing at this post. Made my day.
Thank you!! I’m glad to have brightened your day 🙂
OH DEAR GOD.
I TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK