Baby Rambles

Today is my first day back at work after vacation, which is GREAT because I think I’ve reached the can’t-sleep-and-when-I-can-I-have-weird-dreams portion of the pregnancy. After tossing and turning for hours I finally drifted off, only to have what was clearly a baby anxiety dream: I dreamt I had triplets, and they were so tiny and fragile that they were in the hospital for weeks or months and I was so scared they were going to die I couldn’t bring myself to visit with them. What a crummy dream!

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m really struggling right now because I’m in this super cock-blocked version of nesting mode right now, and it’s getting worse. I JUST WANT TO MAKE MY BABY’S ROOM HAPPEN, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK??? Unfortunately it’s three more weeks before I can buy the furniture and set it up, although I’m hoping to paint sometimes before then. In the meantime I’ve been busying myself by moving things in and out of my storage room, getting on the case of people whose stuff I’m storing to clear it out (I NEED THE SPACE), and sorting through the boxes and boxes of baby clothes people have started giving me. I’ve unboxed, separated, washed and reboxed I-don’t-know how many tiny onesies and pajamas and suits.

Ghostie Suit

This is the first outfit I bought for Sym. I was super poor back then and almost all the clothes and things we had for her were bought by someone else. The other week when I unpacked this little ghostie suit I was dismayed to find that the white shirt had ten-year-old spit-up stains on the front, but after a 20 hour soak in OxiClean, it’s as good as new!

I’ve also signed Taylor & I up for a prenatal class, figured out when to take the maternity ward tour, and have been reading up on the hospital where I’ll be giving birth. It’s actually the same place I had Sym, but back then I was like this science dog about childbirth:

I Have No Idea What I'm Doing

I didn’t pack a bag, I didn’t have a plan, I didn’t even take prenatal classes. Basically my water broke and I just wandered over there and was like WELP I’M HERE, NOW WHAT? I also didn’t know to advocate for myself and although I feel like my delivery was great and went just how I wanted, the aftermath was kind of a bummer. The nurses there are very, VERY pro-breastfeeding, which is awesome…. if you don’t have extensive damage and scarring from a breast reduction that make you incapable of doing it. Some people in my position are able to breastfed just fine, and I tried, I really did, but once it became obvious it wasn’t going to happen and I wanted to stop and give my crying, hungry baby a bottle…. well, they made me feel like shit. I felt really judged and looked-down-upon, and that’s something I’d really like to avoid this time. I’m considering writing up a short paragraph about my situation and printing out a bunch of copies to hand out to everyone and anyone who mentions breastfeeding to me. Is that weird? I mean I haven’t had strangers come up to me on the street yet and start lecturing me about how ~breast is best~ (OH REALLY? WOW, THANK YOU FOR THE BRAND NEW INFORMATION) but just last week I had a salesperson in a maternity store repeatedly pressure me to take advantage of their buy-three-get-one-free nursing bra sale and it made me feel really awkward.

Not being able to breastfeed at all means I have a bunch more decisions to make before Baby Laramie arrives. I need to pick bottles and formula and all the other accoutrements. Do I need a bottle warmer? What about a strange baby-espresso machine that heats and mixes the formula for you? Or maybe kettle that warms the water to the perfect temperature and keeps it there all day? I don’t know! I’ve been trying to research things and everything sounds awesome until you read the customer reviews, and then everything sounds terrible. Of course, you really have to take reviews with a grain of salt because I feel like a lot of the people who leave them are barely a step above youtube commenters. I read a review of a bottle warmer where the reviewer gave it one star and said she wouldn’t recommend it to a friend, because she exclusively breastfed her baby and therefore never used the bottle warmer. WOW WHAT A HELPFUL REVIEW, OH PRIVILEGED ONE. Honestly, why even bother?

Luckily for me, a lot of the women in my internet discussion group of amazing ladies have been having babies recently, so I have them to turn to for advice. I’ve decided to go with these fancy-schmancy Lifefactory bottles.

Lifefactory Bottles

I could say it’s because they are glass and no weird chemical leaching from plastic and blah blah blah but I’m gonna be real here and say it’s because they are cute. They are cute and they look cool and come in a rainbow of colours! SUE ME I LIKE CUTE RAINBOW THINGS. I also like cute plant things, which is why last week I bought this Boon Lawn Bottle Drying Rack. You can get flowers to put in it that hold the nipples and rings! I’m dying from cuteness!

Boon Lawn with Flower

Of course I still don’t know what I’m going to actually put IN the bottles and therefore IN my baby. I’ll probably end up going with whichever brand of baby formula has the cutest label, like I doubt they are all that different from one another and I can’t imagine there’s anywhere (on the internet especially) where I’ll find helpful reviews.

please note: I know women who breastfeed their babies have all kind of problems with people judging them too, like creepily sexualizing it, making rude comments, etc, and I think all that sucks too. This blog, though, is about me and my experiences, and in my experience a lot people, ESPECIALLY women, look the hell down on you for formula feeding, regardless of your reasons. Basically my feelings are this: BABIES GOTTA EAT, and no matter how or when a parent chooses to feed their baby you have to respect that choice (unless it’s one of those weird situations where they are feeding a newborn some weird homemade concoction of like, sticks and nutmilk and it starves to death, but if the baby starves that’s not really feeding them, is it?) because in the end, it’s NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS.

19 Replies to “Baby Rambles”

  1. The lifefactory bottles are so freaking cute, the life factory sensory ring is all awesome sauce for teething. And we love the boon drying rack we use it for everything now.

    1. I also like that I can buy sippy cup lids for the Lifefactory bottles instead of having to buy all new sippy cups.

  2. Cutest bottles ever! I found the bottle warmer we used very helpful, but so was a good old kettle and pot. I couldn’t breastfeed either, Nolan was just having NONE OF IT, and I got treated like shit by nurses, some that didn’t even look old enough to have their friggin periods :/

  3. that ghost outfit is soooooooo cute! it’s nice that now both your kids will get to wear it!

    also i think you should tell people you had your nipples removed. THEN WHAT CAN THEY SAY.

    1. THEY’LL THINK OF SOMETHING. When Sym was a baby I was trying to explain to some judgey-wudger that I had had a breast reduction and she was like YOU SHOULD SUE THE DOCTOR FOR BEING SO IRRESPONSIBLE and I was like…. being irresponsible by giving me the elective surgery I asked for, four years ago????

    1. Still so long though! I don’t know if I’m going to bother with one this time either, I mostly prefer to ~wing it~

  4. I’m sending my lactation consultant friend to answer the weirdornot question. I don’t think it would be. Dee also has that way cute bottle drying rack (because, hi, breast reduction + adoption = hell no to the milk).

    Do what you have to in order to feed teh babie. K? Srsly. I’ll hammerpunch anyone who gives you crap.

  5. First I all… Love your post and adore those bottles. If I had another baby (never going to happen) those are the bottles I would get and I tell people about them in my classes. I am an RN and a Lactation Consultant and teach classes.
    As far as your question of printing out your reason for not breast feeding. I would hope you would not have to do that, but I know this is real life so you may want to print off a few just in case. What I would do Is ask your doctor to put a note in your prenatal record with attention to the nurses. Your prenatal record is sent to the L&D after about 20 weeks or earlier if it is electronic. Then I would let the first nurse you have know and ask her to “please pass it on in report”. If your hospital has old fashioned charts ask them to put it on the front of the chart. If all of this doesnt work. I would ask to see the nurse manager and complain to her or ask for the night supervisor if it is an off shift. Those last two are if you are feeling like your wishes are not being honored.
    Lastly I will tell you that often times with a second pregnancy post reduction you will find you have more milk. With each pregnancy more pathways are built. I’m not telling you this to insist that you try to nurse again, but because you may have engorgement issues, especially if your ducts were cut and milk cannot get out. Hopefully you will have a non-judgmental LC who can help you if this happens, of not Tweet me at @FourAgainstTwo . I also had breast reduction this year. Best thing I ever did for myself!
    Goodluck and I hope you have a great experience.

    1. Thank you so much! This comment is super helpful. In my case I DEFINITELY think it’s more of a problem with the milk ducts being cut/damaged than with supply, because I was engorged like CRAZY with my daughter (which is part of what made it so frustrating, like WE ALL KNEW the milk was there!) and it really sucked.

    1. I’m glad I could help. I would have a few things ready to help with engorgment so you don’t have to run out and buy them. Green cabbages leaves, roll them over with a rolling pin (lets the enzymes out of the viens) and put them in the fridge to get nice an cold. Where them all the time, you will smell, but it works! Eating watermelon helps with swelling and edema all over your body, plus your boobs. If you are not allergic, taking benedryl or sudefed will dry you up as well as getting a depo shot the first three days after birth. Surgeons are doing a better job now, but they still cut a lot of ducts because they are everywhere and everyone is different. Take care!

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