I have a lot of feelings right now, about myself and my body and how useless it is becoming in the wake of this illness, but I can’t find the words to express myself. I just really, really wish I could go back to two months ago when nothing was wrong.
On Monday Taylor and I walked around Stanley Park on the Seawall for the first time since before I got sick, and afterwards I couldn’t do anything but lie on the couch and feel sad. I’m just so weak now, weak in a weird way where my arms feel like they aren’t there and my legs can’t lift themselves anymore. I have this idea that I’m going to keep living my life the way I always have and not let this disease get the better of me, but I literally just can’t. My body won’t let me, my body betrayed me.
I don’t know what to do.