autumn’s beginning

cloudy day

It’s cold again. Back when we had that storm a couple of weeks ago I declared summer over but then the sun came back and we had some beach days and I had to pull my Birkenstocks back out from under the bed*. Now it’s cold again. Putting-away-your-summer-gear, drinking-hot-tea-all-day, wearing-socks-to-bed cold. This morning when we took Georgie for a walk Gwen wanted to wear her wolf suit, which is SUPER warm and cozy, and I allowed it (then halfway through the walk she decided she DIDN’T want to wear it after all and started whining “suit off, suit off”). It was almost starting to rain and I am not looking forward to going out to run errands later.

Gwen has started calling me “Ma” instead of “Mum.” I don’t know why, maybe Taylor taught her as revenge for my thinking it was so funny when she stopped calling him “Dadda” and started calling him “Taylor.” Maybe she just finds the single syllable more efficient since she says it so many times every day. I just hear “Ma. Ma. MA!” all day long.

I still don’t have a job. I mean, I DO, I just don’t have any clients. I’ve gotten a lot of calls and messages and even taken a bunch of meetings with potential clients but so far everything has been a bust. I’m starting to feel really discouraged, like WHY BOTHER trying to make a super-good impression and like really talk myself up as an aces child care provider when nothing comes of it? It just feels like a waste of everyone’s time. With each facebook messenger or text message conversation that peters out, each meeting that leads to nothing, each person who almost commits but then ghosts me, I get less motivated, and the longer I go on not working the less I’m going to enjoy it when I start again.

*Getting things out from under the bed is extra tricky nowadays. A bunch of the castors had snapped off the frame and I worried the whole thing would collapse and crush the cat who lives under it, so a few weeks ago Taylor and I took off the mattress and the boxspring (much to the chagrin of the aforementioned cat), flipped up the frame and pulled off the remaining castors. Now the bed is much more stable, but it’s also a couple of inches shorter and the boxes of shoes underneath it don’t slide out as easily anymore.

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