I went to the vet today, to pick up Claire’s ashes. When I had her euthanized I had a choice between communal and private cremation. Private costs more* (obviously), but in the end it’s what I chose- not because I was super desperate to have her ashes, but because I kept picturing a pile of dead pets just being shovelled into an incinerator like coal into a furnace** and it was a VERY UPSETTING MENTAL IMAGE. Of course on Friday night I kept picturing her lying all cold and alone waiting to be cremated and I cried my face off about that as well.
Over the weekend I started clearing out Claire’s things from around the house. It was hard and sad but I felt like getting it done sooner rather than later would be good. It was especially sad throwing out her litterbox, not because I was particularly attached to it, but because I could see she hadn’t used it in over 24 hours before she passed. Also when I took it out to the garbage room along with an unfinished bag of cat food a woman was in there with her spaniel and she said “I feed the same brand of food to my dog!” and then tried to start a pet convo with me, and what was I going to say? “O yeah I used to give my cat this food but then she died.” I just smiled and mumbled awkwardly before throwing everything in the dumpster. Anyway. I took her leftover insulin and the sharps box of used syringes back to the pharmacy to be disposed of properly. Her unused syringes I gave to the vet, as well as a blood glucose tester, test strips and lancets, for them to pass along to another owner of a diabetic pet.
I don’t regret my decision to have my cat put to sleep; I’ve been looking through my pictures of her from only a few weeks ago and it’s so clear that she was at the end. She just fell into such a fast decline, to be honest I think if I hadn’t taken her to the vet when I did she would have died the next day anyways. I miss her though, I wish she didn’t have to go. Sometimes I still think I hear her in the bathroom, meowing for us to come turn on the tap for her to drink out of, or just meowing because… cat.
* I was told it would $60-$80 more for private cremation, since Claire was such a very small cat (at the time of her death she weighed just 5 1/2 pounds). In the end the euthanasia + private cremation cost $200, although I declined a receipt so I don’t know the actual breakdown of charges.
** I’m sure they don’t just like… shovel them in BUT it’s what I kept thinking about.
6 Replies to “Sept 9th”
that was really nice of you to give the diabetes stuff to the vet. i’m sure the next person who needs the help will be extremely grateful.
I actually got some syringes & lancets a few years ago under the same circumstances so I’m ~paying it forward~ I guess.
<3 I was looking at the RIP pet photos on the wall at the vet today & thought about you & almost started bawling.
oh gosh, I’m really so sorry. 🙁 Losing a pet like this is never easy, but she was with a loving family and owner till the end and you gave her a good life with lots of love and care!
I’m so sorry 🙁 I’m thinking about you a lot these past few days. Big hug.